Tuesday, September 24, 2013
IT Fallacy?
Would you describe an impotent Support Analyst as suffering from a severe Prod outage?
# posted by Flann O'Brien @ 1:53 AM
Sunday, September 22, 2013
UK and US set to invade Iron Age Following Grisly Mass Grave Discovery
UK and US set to invade Iron age as you tube footage shows grisly mass murders took place
President Obama has repeatedly stressed that “the red line in the sand must not be drawn in the blood of people, even if already dead, having been massacred, even if that sand is in the United Kingdom of, er.. ...Scotland... and elsewhere”.
Asked about the technical difficulties of not only travelling into the past, but shipping the large amounts of men and materiel required to mount a convincing ground assault, Vice President Joe Biden was dismissive of the level of effort required. Referring to recent work at CERN he said “We’ve paid billions of dollars for the Large Hadron Collider for just such an eventuality. By creating a pin point singularity with the possibility of a mini-black hole being generated, it only remains to harness the gravitational potential energy of the black hole in a frequency modulated phase inverted flux capacitance relay, in helio-synchronous orbit, and accelerating that to near-luminal velocities, to create the appropriate wormhole entry and exit points”.
Asked about the technical difficulties of not only travelling into the past, but shipping the large amounts of men and materiel required to mount a convincing ground assault, Vice President Joe Biden was dismissive of the level of effort required. Referring to recent work at CERN he said “We’ve paid billions of dollars for the Large Hadron Collider for just such an eventuality. By creating a pin point singularity with the possibility of a mini-black hole being generated, it only remains to harness the gravitational potential energy of the black hole in a frequency modulated phase inverted flux capacitance relay, in helio-synchronous orbit, and accelerating that to near-luminal velocities, to create the appropriate wormhole entry and exit points”.
When pressed further on the potential for grandfather paradoxes, and the quantum implications vis a vis the many world hypothesis, he replied these were mere details. “We can’t , and the international community can’t simply stand by and watch these massacres unfold; we need to intervene to pre-prevent a holocaust of the already born-died. If you could go back in time and kill Hitler, wouldn’t you?” In what many observers believe to be a tour de force performance at the UN later, Joe Biden went on to demonstrate how a Podolksy-Rosen bridge was feasible, and that the invasion would undoubtedly be an immediate success, since there were no aircraft carriers in the Iron age, giving the US an undoubted advantage for once.
Meanwhile in London, parliament is to be recalled yet again, as David Cameron stakes his already shattered reputation on gaining renewed support for an invasion of the Iron age site in southern Britain. Insiders were quick to point out the many differences with the Syrian situation: “While Syria is a long way away and worried constituency MPs are concerned about the relevance for the oiks in their home towns of Syrian affairs, no one can doubt the relevance of massacres occurring in our own country” one official said. “Plus", another official added brightly, "as we will only have to travel in time, since the massacres occurred in Britain, there is no spatial dislocation being involved, so we expect significant cost savings over having to send our troops and material to a place like Syria, which is a really long way away. The Prime Minister feels most MPs will not tolerate home grown massacres and feel sure support will be forthcoming from Parliament when it’s recalled later this week”.
One woman, Alison Steadworthy, a genetic descendent of one of the victims from whom some remaining DNA was collected, has already spoken of the atavistic race memory trauma she now believes has marred her life and that of her family. She surprised David Cameron outside his Chipping Norton constituency as he was on his way to Chequers with his family, and protested his lack of action. The Prime Minister took time to speak with the Ms Steadworthy, 28, of Ketteringnodland, BERKS, agreeing that he would do everything he could.
No spokesperson from the Iron Age could be reached to comment on the outrages.
COTBD Editorial
We disagree with President Obama’s decision to Invade the Iron Age, but we do not doubt his sincerity.
Yet again we are poised for war and invasion – this time to a far away and mysterious land many of us have never even heard of, never mind visited – the Past. Yet with what moral authority do we, in the international community waiting lounge area, impose the wills, dictats, health and obesity issues of modern democracy on the people in those faraway lands? President Obama and now Prime Minister David Cameron argue we do so “with the iron fist of reason, enlightenment, compassion, humanity, humility and the greatest military force the world has ever seen”. Not only is there proximate cause in the form of brutal Iron age dictators murdering their own people, but the potential for chrono-terrorism by Iron age failed states is vast, they argue – what if people in the past decide to sell the UK to the Normans and never bother to fight to get it back – the knock on effects could be damaging at home and abroad – the smoking gun in this case, could be the a vast steaming plume emanating from delicious pots of Bouillabaisse, simmering in kitchens up and down the UK, a thought too frightening to contemplate, for the Twizzler toking diabetic overweight brain dead population of oiks everywhere.
We cannot disagree they make a compelling, compassionate and sincere case – however, we at Chant of the Barbie Dolls disagree with their methods. Too often have the foreign adventures proved too costly – both in terms of our men and women in the armed forces, our fiscal rectitude, and in having to put up with the sanctimonious outpourings of the unskilled middle class, gum flapping, Royal Right Wing Pamphleteers armchair generals inhabiting the moister crevices of the glossier Sundays. Mr. Aaronovitch, we have your number! Diplomatic efforts must be redoubled, sanctions put in place: this road may lead to war, but not at all costs.
# posted by Flann O'Brien @ 4:06 PM
