The Chant of the Barbie Dolls

Mr Kenny Li, and his wife Fiona (nee Rawlinson) recently departed English shores to visit Hong Kong, leaving in hurried and suspicious circumstances. Reports indicate they may have been married before they left, but we at Chant of the Barbie Dolls have not confirmed this, because we haven't had our pictures back from Jessops yet.

Sources close the couple yesterday said that Mr Li, a self avowed technology fundamentalist, had always been a prolific blogger, shameless self promoter, and serial poster of pictures of food in restaurants, despite being repeatedly told by other diners to "get that camera out of my souffle", but that recently it seemed as if he had upped his output by several orders of magnitude.

"It's really quite impressive, how he manages to fit it all in", one source who refused to be named told us. "Recently I've had to quit work to devote myself entirely to the task of managing his posts. I've recently gone to tender for the supply of hardware infrastructure management of the additional servers I've had to install. It's quite sad in some ways - I've had to move my elderly mother into a residential care home in order to make room in the house for cooling equipment for the hardware. I guess she's just the latest innocent victim of Kenny's heedless verbal and visual fecundity."

We asked a Facebook spokeswoman why the corporate behemoth hadn't done anything to curtail Mr Li's prolific posting, but she only responded to say that unless we removed ourselves and our microphone from the toilet cubicle she would be calling the police. While we discussed the finer points of freedom of the press with the Facebook security guards, in the 4 minutes and 19 seconds it took to be ejected from the building, Mr Li racked up an astonishing 3.26 million additional posts, including enough visual imagery to record those 4 minutes and 19 seconds in sufficient time resolution to see bullets pass through cups of, no doubt delicious, Chinese tea.

As the posting continues, so the issues continue to mount: scientists at the University of East Anglia climate research centre have said that Mr's Li's output is the single largest cause of increased greenhouse gas emissions this year. Asked if this was an increasingly worrying trend on top of an already dire situation one terrified researcher said "My wife and I have already sold our house to buy a piece of a time share bunker on Snowden; now we are facing a 'Sophie's Choice' of which one of our 3 kids to bring with us".

The US State Department has issued a statement saying that along with Iran, it views Mr Li's escalation of posting as the single most "clear and present danger" to the security of the United States. "This aggression will not stand.....it will not stand", said one senior Pentagon official. When pressed on the matter he also said "all options are still on the table", but refused to comment further.