Wednesday, February 26, 2020
Area Mother bemoans the woeful state of local potatoes since election
From our Non-Dublin correspondent, Spuds O'Tractor
Area mother Noleen Guiden today issued a press release in which she bemoans the woeful inadequacy of the local potato harvest. Mrs Guiden, 56, mother of 4 and wife to well known local area man Dinny "The Bomber" Guiden, was highly critical of the current batch of potatoes from local provider Festy "Festy" McLoughlin's.
"I can't understand why, ever since the election it's just not possible to get decent potatoes", her statement runs. "It would be one thing if it was just down to the weather, but it can't be the only thing. Ever since the results of 8-Feb became clear, you can't get a decent 4-stone anymore. I'd to throw half the last batch away, they were that rotten; and of the rest the quality was so variable, between too floury, too waxy, too large, too small, sure you don't know what to be doing with them - roast 'em, chip 'em, boil em, skins on, skins off? Come on it's an absolute mess - no wonder the health service is banjaxed and we can't even have homeless anymore [sic]. How is anyone supposed to cook or work with such lamentably variegated material?".
"This type of criticism is particularly unwelcome as local providers are looking at the potentially devastating effects of Brexit on the potato markets", Festy "Festy" MCloughlin re-joindered on twitter angrily this morning after reviewing the statement.
An angry band of twitterati trolls has since managed to re-capture the spiralling narrative and steer it back towards a more critical approach to Mrs Guiden's comments. "If you look at the evidence, Noleen 'Nags' Guiden hasn't bought a bag a spudz she was happy with in her life - and that's since before the civil war", one historically accurate poster observed.
Mrs Guiden's supporters have come back strongly in a constructive vein, wanting to know if anyone has any recipes or methods of coping with mixed bag of floury and waxy potatoes at the same time. This has caused a tangential controversy of it's own, as many users joined in to point out that was an entirely off-topic subject, best handled through the medium of Instagram or similar, further dividing opinions, sometimes drawing battle lines right down the middle of families.
In the meantime, as this controversy continues to rage and polarizes this shattered community, only one thing is certain: the search for perfect potatoes continues.
Based on true life events.
Area mother Noleen Guiden today issued a press release in which she bemoans the woeful inadequacy of the local potato harvest. Mrs Guiden, 56, mother of 4 and wife to well known local area man Dinny "The Bomber" Guiden, was highly critical of the current batch of potatoes from local provider Festy "Festy" McLoughlin's.
"I can't understand why, ever since the election it's just not possible to get decent potatoes", her statement runs. "It would be one thing if it was just down to the weather, but it can't be the only thing. Ever since the results of 8-Feb became clear, you can't get a decent 4-stone anymore. I'd to throw half the last batch away, they were that rotten; and of the rest the quality was so variable, between too floury, too waxy, too large, too small, sure you don't know what to be doing with them - roast 'em, chip 'em, boil em, skins on, skins off? Come on it's an absolute mess - no wonder the health service is banjaxed and we can't even have homeless anymore [sic]. How is anyone supposed to cook or work with such lamentably variegated material?".
"This type of criticism is particularly unwelcome as local providers are looking at the potentially devastating effects of Brexit on the potato markets", Festy "Festy" MCloughlin re-joindered on twitter angrily this morning after reviewing the statement.
An angry band of twitterati trolls has since managed to re-capture the spiralling narrative and steer it back towards a more critical approach to Mrs Guiden's comments. "If you look at the evidence, Noleen 'Nags' Guiden hasn't bought a bag a spudz she was happy with in her life - and that's since before the civil war", one historically accurate poster observed.
Mrs Guiden's supporters have come back strongly in a constructive vein, wanting to know if anyone has any recipes or methods of coping with mixed bag of floury and waxy potatoes at the same time. This has caused a tangential controversy of it's own, as many users joined in to point out that was an entirely off-topic subject, best handled through the medium of Instagram or similar, further dividing opinions, sometimes drawing battle lines right down the middle of families.
In the meantime, as this controversy continues to rage and polarizes this shattered community, only one thing is certain: the search for perfect potatoes continues.
Based on true life events.
# posted by Flann O'Brien @ 8:53 AM 
