The Chant of the Barbie Dolls

COTBD can exclusively reveal that Gen Z is currently holding the letter "T" hostage, and refuses to return it to common usage, unless a series of their demands are met.

Authorities are seriously concerned for it's safety, as a ransom note received indicates a high degree of instability which Garda sources say could lead to irrational violence against the unsuspecting letter.

"We wand a commiddee sed up to look ad our inabilidy to todally say the ledder 'D' in the middle or end of a sendence. Otherwise, like, ja-naw, we'll, like, led the ledder have id. Like, intuidively, why should id even BE a problem? Like, we've these gread careers in radio adverdising, selling qualidy raded baddery products; and we feel, thad, like, the ledder 'D' is just ruining id for us. So, id has to be terminaded, permanendly".

Whilst scrambling for translators from Gen Z to show up and translate the missive (it's not quite clear when they'll be back in the office, and if they do return, will they be in their PJs or not), authorities are both puzzled and flummoxed at the note.

Asked whether evolving trends in colloquial Irish pronunciation and the policing of correction diction should be a matter for Gardai, a spokesperson said "If nod us, who; if nod now, when?" before referring COTBD to the Garda vice section.

# posted by Flann O'Brien @ 10:10 AM 0 comments

COTBD can exclusively reveal a major finding that will affect all punters, turf accountants, shylocks, rail birds, track rats, mug-punters, plungers and chalk eaters.

In a topsy-turvy nominative determinism shocker, it turns out that "Ladbrokes" is an anagram of "Lads broke"? Coincidence? I think not.

Yeah, what about that then? You better hold onto your chips, or, you know, you'll have had your chips.

# posted by Flann O'Brien @ 1:02 AM 0 comments

 Googlewhackblatt-mageddon!

COTBD can exclusively reveal today that no one in the history of the internet (according to Bing anyhow) has ever considered putting the words "Passel" and "Hassle" together to construct a folksy phrase conveying that something will be a great deal of inconvenient trouble.

"The impacts of global warming - that's going to be a whole 'passel o' hassle' if we don't take immediate action", said one COTBD sub-editor, decrying the fact that, with what little content we produce, we spiral further down the drain of degenerate triviality in a daily attempt to get even one page view.

"You're going to get a swift root up the hole, not to mention a passel of hassle if you don't get me 800 words by close of business today", said this reporter's immediate line manager in response to requests for comment, before physically shoving me out of his office. 

Writing this article turned out to be much more of a passel of hassle than this reporter ever believed possible.

Also, I don't think anyone has ever coined the term "googlewhackblatt-mageddon" either, so that's 2 firsts in one post.

Happy International Neologism Day.

# posted by Flann O'Brien @ 11:08 AM 0 comments

Five color-coded, drug addicted teens in spandex karate-kick rubber monsters while fireworks go off for absolutely no reason.

I'm calling it "The Might Morphine Power Rangers".

# posted by Flann O'Brien @ 10:40 AM 0 comments