The Chant of the Barbie Dolls

COTBD can exclusively reveal that Gen Z is currently holding the letter "T" hostage, and refuses to return it to common usage, unless a series of their demands are met.

Authorities are seriously concerned for it's safety, as a ransom note received indicates a high degree of instability which Garda sources say could lead to irrational violence against the unsuspecting letter.

"We wand a commiddee sed up to look ad our inabilidy to todally say the ledder 'D' in the middle or end of a sendence. Otherwise, like, ja-naw, we'll, like, led the ledder have id. Like, intuidively, why should id even BE a problem? Like, we've these gread careers in radio adverdising, selling qualidy raded baddery products; and we feel, thad, like, the ledder 'D' is just ruining id for us. So, id has to be terminaded, permanendly".

Whilst scrambling for translators from Gen Z to show up and translate the missive (it's not quite clear when they'll be back in the office, and if they do return, will they be in their PJs or not), authorities are both puzzled and flummoxed at the note.

Asked whether evolving trends in colloquial Irish pronunciation and the policing of correction diction should be a matter for Gardai, a spokesperson said "If nod us, who; if nod now, when?" before referring COTBD to the Garda vice section.

# posted by Flann O'Brien @ 10:10 AM